To understand my whole story and why I wanted a homebirth versus a hospital birth I feel like you need to know part of my son Jayden's birth.
FIRST BORN
My first born was a complicated pregnancy. We where going through what we thought was infertility. It took us over 2 years to finally conceive but after many tears and prayers we conceived and found out at 4 weeks we were pregnant! At 9 weeks I was diagnosed with shingles on my lower buttock and upper outer thigh, which then got cellulitis all around the area that was infected. I started some medications and was put on bed rest for 2 weeks. Once they started to scab I was able to return to work as a nurse working in the Newborn nursery. Few weeks past and I started having what I thought were Braxton hicks contractions but I soon realized these were not practice contractions but real and were coming in a pattern every 3-5 mins at 23 weeks and then happened again around 28 weeks. I received medications to stop labor and received steroid shots for the baby's lungs. I was put on bed rest for 10 weeks after getting to 3 cm and about 75% effaced. I was diagnosed late in the second trimester with polyhydraminos which is excess amniotic fluid which can have its risks. My Obgyn wanted me to schedule an induction so my water breaking would be in a controlled fashion at 38.5 weeks. So we scheduled my induction day. It was kind of exciting to know the date my baby boy would arrive but then again it I didn't like the idea of a scheduled birth. I wanted my body to naturally go into labor. Near the end I started to panic but I didn't know how to tell my OBGYN "NO!" I didn't think it was aloud to go against medical advise. I have now learned, it's okay to question your Dr. I did everything out of FEAR! Thank goodness God answered my prayers and I went into labor the day of my induction night.
HOSPITAL BIRTH
My water broke at 2 am at home and I called the on call Dr who advice me to come in as soon as possible due to my GBS + status, I took a shower and then went straight into the hospital. My birth plan was to labor at home until I felt ready to come in but felt pressure to go into hospital because I had polyhydramnios which later I found out, after pulling my records, had resolved on my last ultrasound but was not told that it had self-resolved. They seemed concerned and scared me about cord prolapsing, so I rushed to the hospital in FEAR that my baby was going to die if I didn't.
My birth with my son was a pretty standard hospital birth. I labored in bed stuck to monitors and an IV pole, trying to go natural and no one giving me permission to leave the bed and walk around or use the birthing ball. No one to give me birthing support which I thought my nursing friends, who I worked with, would do for me as well as my Obgyn. But have since learned, most labor and delivery nurses don't have time to rub your back and give you mental support while trying to attempt a natural birth. And of course my OB was too busy in the office to come over and give me the encouragement that I needed from her as my provider. My husband was supportive but something about another women who can sympathize with you is what I needed.
I was progressing great and got to 7.5 cm with not much pain until I hit that transition point. Again, I was stuck in bed sitting up trying to go natural. After a few contractions at transition I cried for an epidural. I got my epidural and then started pitocin without my consent and when they where all done and I got rechecked I was complete and didn't tell me until the nurse asked me to do a practice push and told me to stop and closed my legs together. The Dr came in and said "lets get started" and in 2 contractions I had my toe head little boy at 6 lbs and 4 oz. at 10:44 am. It was so surreal. I didn't feel anything but some pressure at the end. In a video I keep saying I wasn't ready. I wanted the mirror and wanted to birth in a different position. It went by so fast. I got to hold him the first hour but was all bundled when they gave him to me right after giving birth. I couldn't smell him very well and just didn't feel as connected as I thought I would have felt. I have since learned the power of skin to skin and encourage every mother to do.
My son's birth was an eye opening experience for me and after telling my story to other women, I realized that so many other women just like me didn't get the birth they desired. And I had to ask myself, Why? why are so many women not getting the births that they want? I watched and observed many births as a newborn nurse and a NICU nurse and time and time again saw different reasons I believe these women didn't get the births they wanted. Each person has there own reason but I saw what I needed and starting questioning other possible birth options for me. Unfortunately, we don't have a birth center locally and that is what I originally desired with my son. I could have gotten more what I wanted from my son's birth, I believe, if I would have chosen a midwife and a doula to start with.
MISCARRIAGE
We were ready for baby number two, after another year of trying to conceive we finally got pregnant with our second pregnancy. But poor baby didn't make it past 8 weeks and I carried for 12 weeks. Going through a miscarriage was awful and I knew very early that something wasn't right. I went into the OB office and nobody acted liked they cared. I got my blood tested and each test the HCG pregnancy hormone was decreasing but the staff wouldn't tell me I was loosing this baby. I had no idea what to expect and felt so alone in this process. I sent a text to my OB who I felt very close to and was asking her what I should expect. She was sweet but didn't go into all the feelings that this could cause and felt like she just shrugged me off since it was so early in the pregnancy. She is still a good Dr but wasn't right for me and needed someone who genially cared about my decisions and feelings. After all this passed I started talking to a midwife CPM and she encouraged me to get right back up and continue to trying for baby #2. She educated me on herbal remedies to try and sure enough 1.5 months later pregnant again with our sweet rainbow baby Autumn.
HOME BIRTH DECISION
Our decision to home birth as a couple was fairly easy. At the time I was working in the NICU and I battled for a few months what option would be best for us since with my background made me a bit more nervous but knew this was the right decision for us. I didn't want to have any fear this time around and I felt that I actually would feel safer at home then in a hospital setting. I was a low risk this pregnancy and no complications this time around. I initially was being followed by high risk drs but was cleared. I learned a lot about home birthing by researching about statistics and talking to friends who had home births. I made new friends that had a positive influence on me and kept away from people who where being negative about our idea to have a home birth. Sometimes, I wondered if people knew exactly what I did for a living.
At the time I was seeing a hospital midwife who I loved but told her my desires and told me this has to be a decision I make. That it can be life changing. It was the words I needed to hear and transferred my care to Michelle. One of my main concerns was did the have any equipment, stuff I am use to seeing in a hospital. She told me she has equipment if needed such as oxygen, deep suction, IVs, pitocin, methergine, and cytotec, and had certifications in NRP and CPR and was very good at self educating and taking classes. She trained under a midwife who my mother in law used and had a home birth with my brother-in-law. So I felt very confident with our decision.I had the best pregnancy this time around. I was not stressed and had lots of family support and love all around me. My prenatal visits where not rushed. I didn't have to wait long hours in a waiting room. I was able to let my toddler get involved and I was heard by my midwife. I had no fear once I made my decision. Everything was exactly how I wanted it to be from the prenatal visits to the birth and beyond!
BIRTH WITHOUT FEAR
I started having off and on contractions at 38.5 weeks and at this point I was getting over feeling like I was going into active labor and then it would be false. I requested at 38.6 to have my membranes swept to get things going and 48 hrs later and with the help of a breast pump I began active labor around 1030 pm that night. It was so nice being able this time around to labor in my own home and eat and drink when I wanted to. Contractions where mild-moderate and at 1:45 am I texted my midwife that I think I am finally in labor. She told me to call her when I was ready but that she was at another birth at that time. The contractions continued to get closer together and get stronger. I rested on the couch in between contractions. I finally woke up Jeff to let him know that today is the day! He came out with me into the living room and we both rested, at 4:18 am the contractions where coming every 3-5 mins and I would have to stop and deep breath and sway my hips or needed pressure applied to my back and hip area.
5:21 am labor finally was getting more intense and uncomfortable. I sent a text to my doula and my mother letting them know it's about time for them to get our son. My mom picked up Jayden at 7:30 am and my doula came around the same time. My doula and my husband where the people I exactly needed at that time. I had a lot of back labor and my doula knew exactly what to do and my husband was great support. Midwives where called and arrived around 9:30 am. As soon as the midwifes got there the stress went all away. I was in my happy place, well as happy as one can be when in labor. I asked to be checked for dilation and I was 6 cm with my bag of water intact and bulging. I requested for the birthing pool to help with my back pain and hope that it would help with the back labor. Let me tell you, the birthing pool was amazing! I was a 9/10 pain and when getting into the pool I went down to a 5-6/10.
My doula taught me something very important when the pain got tough was to moan in deep tones during the contraction and keep it the same tone through the whole wave of the contraction. It made a major difference. I took each contraction as it came and swayed back and forth while on my knees in the pool.
I continued to get monitored to make sure baby and I where doing well with a doppler. I tried different positions but being in the water was where I wanted to be. I got a strong urge to push but felt like my body wasn't ready yet so for a few contractions I resisted to push. My midwife was very encouraging at this point. This was the most vulnerable time during the labor for me and I wanted to give up but her soft voice said, " You can do this! you are a strong women, you are doing great!" Then she said, "listen to your body, push if you want to push" And with the next contraction I did and my water broke. Felt like a water bomb in the pool, very forceful, then she calming said, "Ashley, you said you didn't want a water birth" and attempted to help me out of the pool but the thought of getting out and lifting my legs over the pool and hopping onto my bed didn't feel like I could do it.
Going natural was the most empowering thing I have ever done and the difference in high I felt with Autumn vs Jayden was completely different. I felt so good afterwards I seriously didn't feel like I had a baby. God had truly blessed us and put these beautiful women into our lives. I had a very healing and fear free home birth and I would do it again in a heart beat.
"Birth is not a competition. A Birth Without Fear is different for each mother. How one woman births doesn't make her better than another. How one woman births doesn't make her less than another. It is HER birth and hers alone. It's not to be judged, ridiculed or mocked. It's not to be compared to. Each woman's birth belongs to her. Each woman's story is valid. Each woman's choice is to be respected. Everyone woman deserves support. Birth is sacred and leaves an imprint that settles deep within a woman's soul and that is marvelous." by Birth without fear
